Tag: Wisconsin divorce.

Bright and early the next morning we were on our way back to the courthouse, optimistic about having help to check our paperwork, and anxious to complete our court business and get on with other tasks. After all, there was a storage unit waiting to be sorted, business to be concluded, friends to visit.

We arrived early and soon were meeting with our volunteer, Aaron.

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Here I think it’s time for a bit of background.

This is an amicable divorce. There is no animosity, not much anger, just a desire to resolve things without any fighting or petty behavior.

We want to part as good friends who will always be friends, with mutual respect. After 37 years of marriage we know each other very well.

Not all divorces need to be acrimonious; sometimes two people can try hard to make things work for a long time and never find that place they want to be. They can both be good people who just aren’t good together. No one has to be at fault, no one has to have done some huge wrong to the other.

This is us. We are working together to make this happen the right way. With our kids grown and on their own, with no significant property to split and no desire to get everything out of each other that is possible, a pro se divorce was the logical step. Low cost, cooperative and no need to involve lawyers.

I didn’t want someone fighting for me against the man I share my children with. He didn’t want someone on his end trying to stick it to me. We both want the best for each other, and we both want to be kind to the other.  We agree on things and we want to be fair to one another.

This should be simple. The most complex part should be the QDRO, a form that guides the distribution of retirement funds.

We expected this to be easy.  After all, we agree on everything, there were no complications for us.  We needed to have a second think about that expectation, it would seem.  

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Our young volunteer, Aaron, was great. He checked our paperwork and helped us with a few minor questions. He was surprised and impressed with our work, commenting that it was much more complete than most people he assists. He helped us get it all ready and sent us on our way to file it.

And this is where the trouble begins again. The seventh floor of the courthouse, room 707c, to be specific. This is the office of the paralegal who handles all of the pro se petitions for the county.

The woman called us into her office and we gave her the paperwork. She looked it over and informed my husband that he is “B” and I am “A” and subsequently told us to switch seats so that I was seated at her desk and he was behind me in the extra chair.

I am “A” because I initially filled out the paperwork and listed myself as the “petitioner” and him the “respondent”, even though it was a joint petition.

Thus began the interrogation.

She stated that a number of things were missing (which really wasn’t the case) and proceeded to berate our volunteer. She got on the phone and started scolding someone, insisting that Aaron be sent up to explain his work.

At some point she figured out the work done and moved on to the next thing we were guilty of. This was about the issue of who was A and who was B. We didn’t realize the importance of that because it was a joint petition. We both thought that would mean it was interchangeable, but it’s not.

Tip: make sure you are consistent in the paperwork between both parties. Financial information must match. Names must match.

Next she looked at our financial information and demanded to know why I was not asking for maintenance (alimony). I replied that I didn’t want maintenance and she asked how long we had been married. Upon hearing that it was a 37 year marriage she insisted that we would not be able to get approved without maintenance. I am currently unemployed and have no income.

Tip: You aren’t in charge of your divorce. The judge is in charge and can insist on things like maintenance.

Next she told us we had to have the QDRO completed to file, which was completely inconsistent with what I read in my research. She then said that it would take 6 weeks to get the QDRO completed and scheduled us for our hearing on January 31st of next year.

Tip: QDROs are complex and you’re likely better off having an experienced professional complete it. I still don’t know if it has to be completed before filing, but it’s probably a good idea.

We left the office feeling confused and embarrassed. I know I felt I’d been shamed. It was a bit like a visit to the principal’s office when you’d been caught smoking in the bathroom.

Disappointed, confused and embarrassed, we quickly paid the fee to be added to the docket and left. We went from confident to shaky in no time at all.

The ride back started out quiet until we got our bearings. We were confused and now we were wondering if we could get this done at all.

Stay tuned for part 3.

Some months ago my husband and I began the process of doing a “pro se” divorce in the state of Wisconsin.

In June I filled out the initial joint petition, got it printed and signed it. I mailed it to the dear soon-to-be ex for his signature and then he delivered it to the clerk of court office with the appropriate fees to be filed and to start the process.

He was given what he described as a “court date”. The date was 12/4/17, so as the date approached I made plans to travel back to Wisconsin to complete the case.

I tried to get more information about what else I might need and what would happen on the big day, but much to my frustration, I couldn’t find anything, not even a way to verify the “court date”.

There were no phone numbers I could find that even gave me a real person to ask, and no answer to the email I sent. I couldn’t find any way to get more info so I flew to Wisconsin blind.

At this point let me interject – we had a case number but had misplaced it.

First tip: CCAP is your friend. I forgot CCAP existed for a while but I could have looked it up on CCAP and it would likely have saved a lot problems. So my first tip is this:

You can get some information about your case through CCAP: CCAP – Wisconsin Circuit Court information.

Another interjection – the soon-to-be ex, (herein after shall be called “the ex”) is not good at paperwork. And when I say “not good”, that can be interpreted as “horrible, abysmal, unable, etc.”. I’ve always been the doer of paperwork, figure-outer of stuff, and all around personal assistant to him. I was (am) not always great at that task but I manage when I can find the resources.

Unfortunately, for this particular issue, I no longer live in Wisconsin. If I had been there, I’d have marched right down to the courthouse and found the information I needed and saved us both a great deal of trouble. But since I wasn’t there, I couldn’t do that.

On the morning of the “court date” we arrived at the courthouse a bit early and expecting a smooth road, but instead we found a roadblock. A big one!

The date we had was a dismissal date!!

Thinking it was a court date we were prepared to give the paperwork to the clerk, face the judge and have the divorce decree in hand, or at least on its way to us. Now we found ourselves in the position of potentially having our case dismissed. We had the forms Completed to the best of our ability, and packed away safely in a lime green plastic accordian folder in my backpack.

Needless to say, we were surprised and upset at the turn of events. We had no idea what to do.

The kind folks at the Milwaukee Justice Center saved our bacon. We explained our situation and they helped us fill out an extension for the court date and gave us further information.

You can find info about them at: Milwaukee Justice Center

While the ex took the extension form to the clerk of court to be accepted, I took the information given me and stepped into the law library, which is located within the Justice Center, to check once again that my paperwork was done correctly.

Apparently we got lucky.

When they gave us the form to extend the deadline, they told us that it was rare to be given an extension, but they encouraged us to try. We did and the extension was granted.

We also got exceptionally lucky in another way. The Justice Center has a staff of volunteers who help people complete their divorce cases (and some other types of cases as well). Usually they are booked out for several weeks, but they had a cancellation for the next morning at 9:30. We snapped that up quickly!

With no further options, and still not clear what should happen that day we left for the day, hopeful that the next day would be smoother.

[Spoiler Alert: it didn’t.]

Day 1 of the saga ended with us disappointed but ready to restart the next day.