Category: Uncategorized

Day 2: The Adventure Continues.

Bright and early the next morning we were on our way back to the courthouse, optimistic about having help to check our paperwork, and anxious to complete our court business and get on with other tasks. After all, there was a storage unit waiting to be sorted, business to be concluded, friends to visit.

We arrived early and soon were meeting with our volunteer, Aaron.

Here I think it’s time for a bit of background.

This is an amicable divorce. There is no animosity, not much anger, just a desire to resolve things without any fighting or petty behavior.

We want to part as good friends who will always be friends, with mutual respect. After 37 years of marriage we know each other very well.

Not all divorces need to be acrimonious; sometimes two people can try hard to make things work for a long time and never find that place they want to be. They can both be good people who just aren’t good together. No one has to be at fault, no one has to have done some huge wrong to the other.

This is us. We are working together to make this happen the right way. With our kids grown and on their own, with no significant property to split and no desire to get everything out of each other that is possible, a pro se divorce was the logical step. Low cost, cooperative and no need to involve lawyers.

I didn’t want someone fighting for me against the man I share my children with. He didn’t want someone on his end trying to stick it to me. We both want the best for each other, and we both want to be kind to the other.  We agree on things and we want to be fair to one another.

This should be simple. The most complex part should be the QDRO, a form that guides the distribution of retirement funds.

We expected this to be easy.  After all, we agree on everything, there were no complications for us.  We needed to have a second think about that expectation, it would seem.  

Our young volunteer, Aaron, was great. He checked our paperwork and helped us with a few minor questions. He was surprised and impressed with our work, commenting that it was much more complete than most people he assists. He helped us get it all ready and sent us on our way to file it.

And this is where the trouble begins again. The seventh floor of the courthouse, room 707c, to be specific. This is the office of the paralegal who handles all of the pro se petitions for the county.

The woman called us into her office and we gave her the paperwork. She looked it over and informed my husband that he is “B” and I am “A” and subsequently told us to switch seats so that I was seated at her desk and he was behind me in the extra chair.

I am “A” because I initially filled out the paperwork and listed myself as the “petitioner” and him the “respondent”, even though it was a joint petition.

Thus began the interrogation.

She stated that a number of things were missing (which really wasn’t the case) and proceeded to berate our volunteer. She got on the phone and started scolding someone, insisting that Aaron be sent up to explain his work.

At some point she figured out the work done and moved on to the next thing we were guilty of. This was about the issue of who was A and who was B. We didn’t realize the importance of that because it was a joint petition. We both thought that would mean it was interchangeable, but it’s not.

Tip: make sure you are consistent in the paperwork between both parties. Financial information must match. Names must match.

Next she looked at our financial information and demanded to know why I was not asking for maintenance (alimony). I replied that I didn’t want maintenance and she asked how long we had been married. Upon hearing that it was a 37 year marriage she insisted that we would not be able to get approved without maintenance. I am currently unemployed and have no income.

Tip: You aren’t in charge of your divorce. The judge is in charge and can insist on things like maintenance.

Next she told us we had to have the QDRO completed to file, which was completely inconsistent with what I read in my research. She then said that it would take 6 weeks to get the QDRO completed and scheduled us for our hearing on January 31st of next year.

Tip: QDROs are complex and you’re likely better off having an experienced professional complete it. I still don’t know if it has to be completed before filing, but it’s probably a good idea.

We left the office feeling confused and embarrassed. I know I felt I’d been shamed. It was a bit like a visit to the principal’s office when you’d been caught smoking in the bathroom.

Disappointed, confused and embarrassed, we quickly paid the fee to be added to the docket and left. We went from confident to shaky in no time at all.

The ride back started out quiet until we got our bearings. We were confused and now we were wondering if we could get this done at all.

Stay tuned for part 3.

An Adventure in the Wisconsin divorce Courts (Part 1 of the Saga)

Some months ago my husband and I began the process of doing a “pro se” divorce in the state of Wisconsin.

In June I filled out the initial joint petition, got it printed and signed it. I mailed it to the dear soon-to-be ex for his signature and then he delivered it to the clerk of court office with the appropriate fees to be filed and to start the process.

He was given what he described as a “court date”. The date was 12/4/17, so as the date approached I made plans to travel back to Wisconsin to complete the case.

I tried to get more information about what else I might need and what would happen on the big day, but much to my frustration, I couldn’t find anything, not even a way to verify the “court date”.

There were no phone numbers I could find that even gave me a real person to ask, and no answer to the email I sent. I couldn’t find any way to get more info so I flew to Wisconsin blind.

At this point let me interject – we had a case number but had misplaced it.

First tip: CCAP is your friend. I forgot CCAP existed for a while but I could have looked it up on CCAP and it would likely have saved a lot problems. So my first tip is this:

You can get some information about your case through CCAP: CCAP – Wisconsin Circuit Court information.

Another interjection – the soon-to-be ex, (herein after shall be called “the ex”) is not good at paperwork. And when I say “not good”, that can be interpreted as “horrible, abysmal, unable, etc.”. I’ve always been the doer of paperwork, figure-outer of stuff, and all around personal assistant to him. I was (am) not always great at that task but I manage when I can find the resources.

Unfortunately, for this particular issue, I no longer live in Wisconsin. If I had been there, I’d have marched right down to the courthouse and found the information I needed and saved us both a great deal of trouble. But since I wasn’t there, I couldn’t do that.

On the morning of the “court date” we arrived at the courthouse a bit early and expecting a smooth road, but instead we found a roadblock. A big one!

The date we had was a dismissal date!!

Thinking it was a court date we were prepared to give the paperwork to the clerk, face the judge and have the divorce decree in hand, or at least on its way to us. Now we found ourselves in the position of potentially having our case dismissed. We had the forms Completed to the best of our ability, and packed away safely in a lime green plastic accordian folder in my backpack.

Needless to say, we were surprised and upset at the turn of events. We had no idea what to do.

The kind folks at the Milwaukee Justice Center saved our bacon. We explained our situation and they helped us fill out an extension for the court date and gave us further information.

You can find info about them at: Milwaukee Justice Center

While the ex took the extension form to the clerk of court to be accepted, I took the information given me and stepped into the law library, which is located within the Justice Center, to check once again that my paperwork was done correctly.

Apparently we got lucky.

When they gave us the form to extend the deadline, they told us that it was rare to be given an extension, but they encouraged us to try. We did and the extension was granted.

We also got exceptionally lucky in another way. The Justice Center has a staff of volunteers who help people complete their divorce cases (and some other types of cases as well). Usually they are booked out for several weeks, but they had a cancellation for the next morning at 9:30. We snapped that up quickly!

With no further options, and still not clear what should happen that day we left for the day, hopeful that the next day would be smoother.

[Spoiler Alert: it didn’t.]

Day 1 of the saga ended with us disappointed but ready to restart the next day.

One true thing

This post was written a few years ago now. I no longer work in that field, not because I chose to leave it as much as because things changed and I was unable to sustain my progress. But I stand by this post.

One of the first things I’m often asked when people find out what I do for my living, is “doesn’t it scare you to be working with all those criminals? ” or something similar to that question.  .

My short and easy answer?  No, it doesn’t.  

In fact, most of the time I enjoy meeting with them. Most are interesting and friendly and often bright and insightful. Yes there are some I’d rather never see again, and some that i wouldn’t want to meet in a less public and protected setting, but for the most part, my clients are just regular people who did something that got them into trouble with the law.  Frequently they did or do have a pattern of criminal behavior, but in many ways they are not that different from me and probably not from you, either.  They have kids they love and families they love.

Don’t be surprised.  You might think, “No one I know has been in prison.”  While that may be true of your closest friends and family, as it was for me, you may find you have had contact with many people who have been incarcerated and are now free.  They are at your church.  They have kids at your children’s school. They work out at the same gym as you.  They may work with you every day.  They may live next door to you, or across the street.  They may be taking care of your car, or your dog, or hospitalized family member.

They are people, just like you and me, except they have had experiences that we never did.  They have been arrested and gone to prison.  I haven’t, and I’m generally fairly law-abiding, but most of us, if we really stop to think about it, have at least once or twice in our lives done something that could have led to arrest if we had been caught especially when I hear about some of the offenses my clients have committed.

Menacing, assault, domestic violence, sexual assault, fraud, identity theft, false information to a pawnbroker, criminal trespassing, auto theft, burglary, drug possession, etc.  You might say to yourself, no I never did any of those things, and maybe you haven’t, but its possible at some point that you did, and didn’t even realize what you did was criminal behavior.

Let’s look at menacing for example:

18-3-206. Menacing.

(1) A person commits the crime of menacing if, by any threat or physical action, he or she knowingly places or attempts to place another person in fear of imminent serious bodily injury. Menacing is a class 3 misdemeanor, but, it is a class 5 felony if committed:

(a) By the use of a deadly weapon or any article used or fashioned in a manner to cause a person to reasonably believe that the article is a deadly weapon; or

(b) By the person representing verbally or otherwise that he or she is armed with a deadly weapon.

Source: L. 71: R&RE, p. 421, 1. C.R.S. 1963: 40-3-206. L. 77: Entire section amended, p. 961, 12, effective July 1. L. 2000: Entire section amended, p. 694, 5, effective July 1.

Have you ever menaced?  Did you ever threaten someone with harm?  That is misdemeanor menacing.  Did you have something in your hand that could be interpreted as a weapon?  (that can include a toy gun, any object that someone could perceive as a weapon. Some of my horse supplies could appear as a weapon, for example.)  That’s felony menacing.  I’m a fairly peaceable and non aggressive person, and i don’t think i ever ‘menaced’ anyone, but behavior can be interpreted very loosely, and i do know plenty of people who have done things that likely met the definition of either misdemeanor menacing or felony menacing. Most likely you would not be arrested for it unless it was a pretty serious action, but it can happen, and it does happen.

 I won’t say most of my clients are innocent  – they generally aren’t innocent.  And they usually don’t claim they are – More about that subject in the  future –  but the example might show you how easily you can make a mistake that changes your entire life.  I’ll add that most of my clients have made more than one mistake of a similar nature, since probation or other non-custodial sentences are usually given for a single first offense. Prison is not the first stop for most offenses, with, of course, some major exceptions.  It’s usually the end stop after a number of chances and a number of bad choices.

Of course I also meet with my clients in a safe setting.  We meet in my personal office, in an office space filled with my coworkers.  It’s a very controlled setting in which we are not allowed to be left alone with a client, and where others are aware of the meeting.

There are some I’ve met with that I’d rather not meet outside of a controlled setting, but they are the exception.

Craft

This is today’s prompt. The first thing this brought to mind is hobbies. I’ve had a few over the year that would qualify as crafts.

Then I think about the other meanings of the word craft. For example craft is also a name for a boat.

I tend to think of a small boat, bobbing by a pier, paddles and life vests strewn about in it. I see there a half finished bag of Cheetos and a greasy orange smear on the side of the boat where the consumer of the Cheetos grasped it when leaving the craft.

Stuffed in the front under the lip that covers the bow, sits a red tackle box with a puddle of water on the indentation in the lid, holding a somewhat bloated worm.

Laid carelessly along the length of the boat, three fishing poles rest side by side, one smaller than the other two.

A tube of sunblock rests in the keel along with empty cans of Mountain Dew and a juice box.

A hoodie covers each of the benches in the boat, one larger and dark gray in color, the others smaller, one red and one purple.

There is a bucket of water, partially filled, snugged behind the back bench, with a sprinkling of sand on the bottom and some duckweed floating on top.

A rope secures the boat to the metal tie off on the pier and a jumble of 6 flip flops rests near a bunched up striped beach towel. The largest of them are big and black and white. A medium sized pair are red and white and the smallest are pink and purple and have a small bow at the V where the straps merge to form the toe peice.

The sun, high in the sky, sparkles on the water and the air smells rich with life.

I’m back

Its been a long time since I posted anything in this blog but i think i’d like to revive it.  I’ll be posting when I remember to.  I might post silly things, i might post serious things.  I’ll be reviewing any comments before they show up on my site, so if i post something you don’t like, and you get rude and nasty in response, guess what…. it won’t show up!  For today, i think i’ll post horses.  file_001